It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, warm family gatherings, and perfect moments. However, as mental health professionals at Greenpoint Psychotherapy, we want to validate a crucial truth: it’s completely okay not to be okay during this time of year (and, honestly, any time of year). Transitions like the new year, the expectation of time with family, as well as the normalization of substance use are activating realities of this season, as well.

The Myth of Holiday Happiness

Why the Holidays Can Be Emotionally Challenging

1. Reminders of Grief and Loss: Holidays can intensify feelings of missing loved ones who have passed away. The absence becomes more pronounced when everyone else seems to be celebrating. Grief and loss are not just of individuals, but also of feelings: of connection, of safety, or of a part of ourselves. This grief compounds at times of transition and stress, and can feel overwhelming.
2. Complicated Family Dynamics: Not all family relationships are healthy or supportive. For many, holiday gatherings can trigger anxiety, reopening old wounds or exposing ongoing interpersonal tensions. For many in the LGBTQIA+ community, for example, biological family may represent rejection instead of belonging.
3. Financial Stress: The economic pressure of gift-giving, travel, and additional expenses can create significant emotional and practical strain. Many parents want to give their kids the world to make up for the world being hard on them at times, and it can feel like a failure if this is inaccessible.
4. Seasonal Affective Disorder: Reduced sunlight and colder temperatures can exacerbate symptoms of depression and mood disorders, as well as cause decreased connection and time spent outside that can lead to feelings of isolation.
5. Heavy Expectations: Constant social comparisons and unmet personal expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Many use this time of year to speak negatively about their bodies, careers, or relationships, which can erode self-compassion and increase the internal myth of perfection.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Practical Strategies for Emotional Well-being

1. Set Boundaries: It’s okay to limit time with people or in situations that drain your emotional resources. Protecting your mental health is not selfish; it’s necessary. A boundary can be something more direct like saying “no,” but, if that’s not accessible to you, it can also be as simple as slipping out for a walk to clear your mind or giving yourself permission to head home early.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a  friend experiencing emotional difficulty. Self-compassion may seem daunting this time of year, but remember that getting yourself a glass of water, treating yourself to a moment of something that fills your cup, or letting yourself observe instead of engaging are also acts of self-compassion.
3. Create Alternative Traditions: If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming or hold negative associations, create new rituals that feel authentic and supportive to your current emotional state. Maybe lighting candles with your chosen family, agreeing to text a friend an emoji every day this month, or taking a walk around the neighborhood with a bag of snacks to hand out could feel like a more helpful tradition to you.
4. Seek Professional Support: Speaking with a therapist can provide coping strategies and a non-judgmental space to process your feelings. It is never the wrong time to seek support, and the holiday season is a time when establishing a connection with a professional can be more beneficial than ever.
5. Connect Selectively: Prioritize connections with people who genuinely support and understand you, even if that means fewer, more meaningful interactions. Remember that you don’t owe your time and energy to those who do not recognize your humanity, and instead you can reach out to folks who support your whole self.

Breaking the Stigma

A Message of Hope